I was reading an article in "Women's World" in May, when it really hit home to me that I needed the article! I am a music teacher and have taught probably 100s if not 1000s of children and adults in my life time, but never realized concieously that I also had to teach them how not to be too hard on themselves while practicing. This last year I had a little girl who would constantly say "I'm dumb" whenever she made a mistake, and her brother would get very frustrated when he couldn't get his piece perfect immediately. I realize that I will have to find a way to teach them to practise without constant frustration, even as I teach 3 special needs children as well, one being my granddaughter with FASD, whom we're raising.

Some excerpts from the article:

It's a fact: Millions of women expect way more of themselves than they do others. And while being a perfectionist isn't all bad, when it keeps you from feeling good about yourself-as it did Mary Coussons-Read and her daughter-it's time to be kinder to yourself!

From the kitchen Mary Coussons-Read listened as her six-year-old daughter, Jody, practised the piano. She's really coming along, the proud Denver mom smiled.

Suddenly, though, there was an off key-and the music stopped.

No big deal, Mary shrugged. Even Beethoven had to start somewhere.

But when Mary peeked into the room, what she saw broke her heart. Jody's shoulders were slumped, huge tears in her eyes.

"I'm no good at this!" she sobbed.

It was a feeling Mary knew well. And it struck her: If I don't want Jody  to be hard on herself, maybe I have to be kinder to myself, too...

All her life Mary had been a perfectionist. Back in school, if she didn't bring home straight A's, she'd think, "I'm stupid."

 Even now, as an adult with a satisfying career, a great marriage, and terrific kids, she was hypercrytical of herself. If she misplaced her keys, she'd say, "I'm an airhead." If she gained a few pounds she was "fat" and "weak".

"No", her husband Jim, protested, "just human."

When she had to pick up take out instead of a home-cooked meal for her family, she'd say, "I'm sorry." Because, while they didn't mind, Mary couldn't help but feel as though she'd failed somehow.

LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER

And now, as Jody broke down, other moments, other memories began to flood back to Mary.

Like when she took 4 year old Jody to a check up and the doctor mentioned, "She's put on some weight." It was a good thing, she was growing normally. But that's not what Jody heard.

"Mommy," she asked later, "am I fat?"

Or the times in kindergarten when Jody would come home in tears if she'd misspelled a word-and no amount of reassurance would help, until the next time she brought home a perfect paper.

But it wasn't until Jody started taking piano lessons that Mary realized just how self-critical -- how very much like her-- her little girl had become. Mary knew that saying negative things often erode self-esteem -- especially in young girls.

I want Jody to see how amazing she is! Mary thought.But first, she knew, she's have to stop cutting herself down.

So, pulling Jody close, Mary began, "It's okay to make mistakes."

"But I want to do it right!" Jody argued.

"I know," Mary nodded. "I'm like that, too. But think about it this way: Would yu tell a friend she wasn't doing a good job? Or would you let her try again?"

"I'd let her try again," Jody replied.

And that gave Mary an idea. "How about every time you hear me saying something not nice to myself, you tell me -- and I'll do the same for you."

"I can do that!" Jody brightened.

"No more 'Sorry's' unless you really have something to be sorry about," Mary declared. "And no more 'I can't!' Nobody's perfect. But you're pretty great!"

Smiling, Jody nodded, "Okay, Mommy!"